It's not ok

The space between ok and not ok looms

A dark foreboding space

Flitting between the two

I know not what to do

My heart aches with not ok

I want it all to be different

So different

To the reality I see before me

My heart breaks

For myself

For the love I wish I had

I’m not ok with being bullied

I’m not ok that I didn’t stand up

I’m not ok that I lost what I loved

The loss, if contemplated

Reveals the cavernous space of my heart

The tears pour from my eyeballs

spontaneous and inconvenient

I’m not ok that I’ve lost

I’m not ok with the

Helplessness

Powerlessness

Shameful darkness

I’m not ok

That somewhere along the way

I forgot it's ok

to be my own warrior and protector

Fierce custodian of my own heart

And all that I value

You robbed me

Of things more precious to me than any money could buy

You took what wasn’t yours to take

You vandal

You heartless selfish

Witch

bitch

Name calling doesn’t help

Will not bring back all that I held dear

Will not bring back the sense of life before fear

My safety

My love

What did I ever do to you anyway?

Wrong question

How could you do this to me?

Wrong question

Why do you hate me so?

Wrong question

Somersault round and round in my mind

Lest I sit in the darkness in my heart and weep